How I made Bedtime work for us

So there has been a lot of talk on line lately about bed time. Bedtime is definitely up there in the top 5 things all mothers talk about, after coffee, wine, complaining about our husbands and coffee again.

At the risk of angering the bedtime gods and having it all go tits up for me after publishing this, I've decided to share our routine. It works pretty well for us, and it might actually help some other poor parents who are at their wits end.

Let me start by saying Fionn was a terrible sleeper. Like awful. He'd wake every 45-90 mins wanting to be fed, If I got 3 hours out of him I felt well rested. With Shane working three different shifts, we found it very hard to actually get into a routine. We were also refusing to accept the fact that kids were going to ruin our social life, so we took Fionn everywhere with us. Way later than his current bedtime. 

I went back to work when he was 7 months old, had a lot of trouble with the company, PND reared it's awful, ugly head, I stopped breastfeeding to go on anti depressants, and I came out of work again. This is when we decided that if I was going to feel like a human ever again I needed to sleep. 

So we made a plan.

Shane stated going to Fionn in the night.

From the time he was born I was the one to get up to him, I'd put him on the boob and he'd be back asleep within minutes, for another hour. He learned after about 3 days of Shane getting up to him that he wasn't getting fed so he stopped waking up. Why we hadn't done this sooner I'll never know. 

Then we introduced a bed time. 

It took us a while to find a time that suited us. But we learned that no matter what time he went down at, he woke up at 6am. So we settled on 6.30pm that gave us some quality time together in the evenings and gave him a full nights sleep. That in turn reduced the hours of daemon like monster he became the next day.

We made a routine.

As much as I hate them, kids love routines, and Fionn responded to it brilliantly.

Bath every night at 6.30pm, a cuddle and a bottle of milk in our bed, then we'd carry him to his cot, sing some songs and leave him. 

In the beginning he'd cry or whine, we'd leave him 5 minutes, go back up, sing again and leave. Some nights he'd cry again, we'd leave him 10 minutes and go back up, sing again and leave again. 

After a few weeks, the crying stopped and he'd fall asleep straight away. We'd never leave him cry if he got too upset, you can tell when the pitch of the cry changes. It was a gentle way to encourage him to self settle. 

This worked so fantastically for about a year, that I was worried moving him into a new room and a bed would disrupt him and we'd be back to square one. So we did it in stages. We moved the cot into the new room first. Then swapped it for his bunk beds a few weeks later. I am so happy to report that it hasn't affected him at all.

As he's getting older, and since Daithí's come along we're following his lead and adapting the routine to fit us as a family of 4.

We aren't as strict now. 

We tend to try start bed time at 6.30pm, but he can talk back now, and will try to reason with us to stay up later. After a day of negotiations with a toddler, sometimes we all need another episode of Sarah and Duck before bed.  

We don't do baths every night of the week anymore.
But normally manage 2-3 a week. It all depends on Shane's shift and if I'm by myself or not. The saga of washing his hair is also more than I can handle more than once a week.

He's dropped his bottles of milk.
So we climb into my bed and read some books. Fionn LOVES books. He'd sit there all night reading if I didn't put a cap on it. Then he climbs into his bed and we sing the same few lullabies. (I say lullabies, but they include Oasis and Boy Dylan!)

And that's the last I hear from him till morning. The wonderful thing, He wont get out of his bed without me there. I don't know if its that he doesn't realise he can get out of the bed by himself or he doesn't think he's aloud. Either way it's great!!

Now I'm not saying this will work for everyone, or even anyone, but it's what's worked for us. Feel free to share what you do, and ask me any questions. 

SAHM

I really need to stop referring to myself as 'just' a Stay at home Mother. I mean, yes, I am a stay at home mother, but there is no need for the 'just'.

I met some new people over the weekend, and when asked what I do, I kinda rambled on about being on maternity leave, but was now redundant, so I was 'just' a say at home mother. I cringed as I said it, but it was said. I was almost apologizing for it, making excuses nearly, and I realized the next day, in the mist of general hung over fear, that I was selling myself short.

I feel like I'm shaming myself, and in turn shaming others, who are, and rightly so, proud of their SAHM status. I don't know if it's my embarrassment of not having a degree, and so only having worked retail (again selling my self short, I built a very good career over the last 10 years in retail). Or if it's how the question it's self is phrased 'What do you do?'

I do a lot actually. But I don't have an impressive salary anymore and my current job title is Mother. Or Mamam, depending on who you ask.

Just a stay at home Mother. Fuck, I'd love to just stay at home. Even for a day, but with a toddler with more energy than a can of Red-Bull I need to go out. To the park, the library, anywhere to run the legs off him and mentally tire him out.

Also, with all our family in Ireland, if I leave the house for anything, doctor, dentist, shopping etc. I come with two attachments. and one of them is generally stuck to my boob.

So I'm done with being ashamed or embarrassed by it.

I think it's time to shout it out.

I am a chef, teacher, cleaner, secretary, chauffeur, nurse, lullaby singer, potty trainer, sore knee kisser, laundry fairy, grocery shopper, MOTHER!

Fionn Starting Nursery

There has been ALOT going on these last few weeks. I just cant seem to catch up with my own train of thought. Everyone has been asking why Fionn wasn't in nursery yet, and the only reason was expense. As a family who work and pay taxes, we're not entitled to the 15 hours a week of free childcare that those who don't work are. It's unfair, and frustrating, and typical of a society that bleed the worker dry and give no incentive to work to the unemployed. But less on that topic.

I kinda decided he was going without thinking too much about it. I went down to the Nursery at 5.15pm (They closed at 5.30) on a Thursday, got the registration pack, and dropped it back in Friday morning, due to start the following Tuesday. It's very unlike me to be so unorganized, and to do such little research, but my friends sends her little one there, and they're OFSTED approved, so I figured they must be alright.

He was due to have two trial sessions, then start properly.  Perfect I thought, but just as I got a taste of freedom, as if perfectly timed to make me appreciate the time away from him even more he got horribly sick on Saturday. Five full days and nights of diarrhoea. Talk about a shit week. Literally.

It started when we stayed over in Uncle Niall's house (Not blaming him!) I got for the first time, the feeling I'm sure my parents have had a number of times over the years. Where you're all set for a great day out, in this case it was watching the All Ireland Hurling Final in St. Pat's with our friends, and then one of the kids get sick and you have to cancel all plans and go home.

Over the course of the week Myself and Daithí got a touch of it too, but somehow Shane managed to avoid it. Come to think of it, he managed to avoid changing a shitty nappy or stripping a shitty bed all week too. Jammy fucker.

So we pushed his start date back a week. The nursery were great, completely understanding. And so he started. I didn't make a big deal out of it, but I did take the obligatory 1st day photo.

He was very excited. mostly about the slide in reception he'd get to go on. He hasn't told me anything else, other than he went on the slide and played with trains. But I'm sure when I take a look at his Learning Journal next week he'll have done loads.

Ok, so I took day 2

And day 3 pictures too

What I'm finding strange now is everyone asking me how I'm feeling about sending him. Maybe I am just a selfish mother, but I'm not worried about him at all. A little concerned that he's going to be a little shit and bully other kids, but all I can think about is how much easier the hours he's there are going to be for me. Granted the 8.30am starts are going to be early, but I'll have three blissful days a week where I can feed Daithí in peace. Blog. Make frames. Drink hot coffee. Nap. All these wonderful things I never seemed to have time for when Fionn was Daithí's age, but now that I deal with two every day, I've realised just how easy one actually is.



So far every day has been great. His key worker has commented on how polite and affectionate he is. She's told me he's chased the girls around trying to tickle them. (Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing). And he's only had a few instances of being mean to other kids, but he's apologized and got on with it. My sister's girlfriend who manages a nursery says it's good he's been bold so early on as it shows he's comfortable and confident in the room. And that all kids need a telling off at some point.

SO maybe he's not such a little shit after all!!

That's my breastfeeding story, and I'm sticking to it.

I've decided to write this off the back of the unbelievable reaction to my milk collection post. 24,000 (?!OMG?!) people have seen it, and that number is growing every day, I seriously can't get my head around that post reach, so thank you, sincerely to every person and organisation who has shared it.

As I had hoped the reaction has been mostly positive. So positive in fact that my goal of reaching just one woman who didn't know she could donate, and considered it, has not only been met, but exceeded. Three wonderful women, from the UK and Ireland have contacted me via this blog, to get more information and some have made the decision to go ahead and donate. These women need to be applauded. Bravo Queens!

Obviously, as is life, when you put yourself out there, there is going to be judgement passed and criticisms made. But you know what, Fuck 'em. I'll wear that 'Hippy Earth Mom' badge with pride. There were worse comments, but I don't need that sort of negativity in my life. 

This whole thing has started conversations with people I never would have dreamed I'd be talking to about breastfeeding. And it's got me thinking, the more of these conversations that are had over a pint in the pub, or while out of a walk in the park the better. They normalise it. And that's what I'm all about. I don't care how anyone chooses to, or has the choice made for them, feed their child. But what I do care about, is women being made feel 'different' or 'odd' for wanting to breastfeed. You can deny it all you want if you've never experienced it, but the stigma definitely exists. 

And god forbid we want to talk about it. We're grown ups, we need to talk about boobs. Because you never know how being part of a casual conversation could affect someones confidence when it comes to them feeding. Or how knowing that your friends are supportive, can help a guy support his partner in their breastfeeding journey.

I'll end with these two pictures I absolutely love.

At a friends wedding recently, while keeping me company during a feed, my friend Caroline captured this beautiful picture of me and Daithí that I have been debating sharing. On one hand everyone's done it, so there's no need for me to add to the pile of 'awareness raising pictures'. But that's not what this is about. I really wanted to share it because it shows exactly where I was as a mother in that very moment. Dress and heals on, tan and make-up done, baby on boob, hat and everything.

My sister took this one while I was getting ready for another wedding last month. To me this shows just how normal breastfeeding can be. Juliet Morrow is the wonderful make-up artist working on my face. I'm sure she's faced will all sorts of everything, arriving into peoples houses, into the stress of getting ready for a wedding, but she was so calm and relaxed, we chatted like old friends. Not only did she not bat an eyelid when Daithí needed to be fed, she continued working, and agreed to a picture being taken. The girl does amazing work, seriously, check out her page!



And just a thought to finish...

Sharing pictures of your substantial weight loss, isn't shaming people who don't work out.

Sharing pictures of you at graduation, isn't shaming people who didn't go to University. 

Sharing pictures of you breastfeeding, isn't shaming people who don't.

That's my breastfeeding story, and I'm sticking to it. 

My body wakes at 6am, my mind not so much.

I've just come to the end of what would have been* month 6 of maternity leave on baby number 2, and it has got me thinking of all the things I might have managed to do, if I had maternity leave without the children.

*I was made redundant the week Daithí was born...wankers.

He's a happy little man at 6am that's for sure

First off, it wouldn't have taken me 3 days to find the time to write this. When one naps, the other wakes them up. One needs a new nappy, the other throws up on themselves. One watches TV, the other wants to be held. One eats anything and everything that's put in front of them, the other... well actually they'll both eat what ever is put in front of them, not necessarily a good thing when Fionn wants to share his play dough with Daithí, but he'll soon learn.

There's every cup of coffee I've made for myself in the last three years that wasn't drank hot. Or at all. Or downed in one, JagerBomb style, once I found it again. It may be cold, but the caffeine still works. 

There's both baby books. started with all the best intentions in the world, beautiful scrapbook paper, stickers, colored pens, ribbon. Dumped in an Ikea cube for some future version of myself who has the time. 

There's every DIY job I've started, that is yet to be finished; the head board for the bedroom, the hat-to-fascinator project, (that one will have to wait for next years weddings for an outing), the baby leggings I started for Fionn that I'm pretty sure Daithí has already out-grown, painting the fence in the back garden, cushions for the sofa, bed clothes and matching curtains for the kids' rooms, knitting projects, I could go on and on. 

I'm just about keeping on top of essential paperwork. So far this week I've renewed the home insurance with a month to go, car insurance with a week to go, and car tax on the last day. Its a far cry from this time last year when my MOT went 6 months out of date...ops!

There is more to
come with this story!!

I feel like I'm getting better at prioritising, but am losing all sense of creativity. My to do list is getting longer, and things are being crossed off less and less frequently. I'm even starting to neglect this blog. I'm currently trying to map out two pieces about or recent trip home, and a lovely encounter I had with a make-up artist while there. I'd say watch this space, but It might be a while!!

I think I need to give myself a right kick up the arse and start giving myself some time for me. Time that doesn't include house work, applying for jobs, feeding babies or sleeping. If anyone knows where I might be able to find that please let me know.

This is where I spent two hours today,
At least there's time for the important things.

As if I couldn't love Aldi anymore!

I don't normally fall victim to Aldi's special buys, I can easily get in and out with just my weekly shop and little more than a 'oh that's a nice picnic basket/ book case/ drill', but this week it is all about the kids bedroom, I just couldn't resist.

They have 4 designs, and considering Fionn has bunk beds in his room I got to pick two of them.
Dinosaurs and Safari Animals. A single bed duvet cover and pillow case for £6.99, yes please!

Then came the sheets, spots, stars or stripes? £3.99 each, you can't go wrong. But here's the clever bit, the fitted sheet comes with a matching pillow case, so even if you're little one is attached to a blankie/ still in a GrowBag and so doesn't need a duvet cover, their pillow and sheets can still match.

My favorite part of the whole thing?! Dino and Lion throw cushions! I just couldn't leave them behind, I mean look how cute they are, and only £5.99 each.

Lion and Dino Cushions £5.99 each

Curtains (£19.99-£24.99)

Rugs (£14.99)

I managed to pull myself away from the rugs (£14.99) and Blackout curtains (£19.99-£24.99), but I just had to get some bunting for £2.99 to hang around the top of the bottom bunk. They've also got throws and drawer towers in coordinating colours.  I've already got storage sorted from Ikea so there was no need for any else...Although there's always Daithí's room...




Conveniently, they all fit perfectly with my existing colour scheme, and I just can't get over the price for the quality of the everything!! Aldi have knocked it out of the park again. I can see myself falling for the Circus print if they still have them in stock next week. They have a Pretty Princess one too for the little girls (or boys) who prefer  pink!!

Fionn was happy anyway and
jumped into bed, shoes and all while
I was trying to take the picture

Adulting the Shit Out of Life

This week was fueled 100% with coffee

Most of the time I'm not fully convinced myself that I am actually a grown up. Despite Shane being certain I was never a child, but rather was born in my mid 20's and my age has only recently caught up. But I realised in a few stages, that this week I most definitely am a fully functioning, adulting adult.

So what convinced me? Well, while simultaneously keeping two children and a husband alive, dressed and fed, and a house hold in clean dishes and bedclothes I did the following;

See. . .All alive!!

I went to a committee meeting. For me growing up with parents who loved a good oul' committee meeting, nothing screams 'adult' more than attending one. I've always known organisations like my football team, don't just run themselves. It's always the same handful of volunteers who organise and arrange everything. I may not be able to keep my home in order most of the time but I am one of those people.
Organising, running, writing.  Adulting.

Daithí

I booked Daithí's Naming Day. (In a social club, that I have a fully paid-up, family membership to.) A Naming Day is a non religious alternative to a Christening/ Namaran/ Shalom Zachor. So requires all the same planning. Booking a venue, inviting people, writing a ceremony, sorting out catering, decorations, picking readings, etc. etc. etc.
All in a different country, without my Mammy. Adulting!

Romantic <3

We celebrated a wedding anniversary. In Pizza Hut. With a tantrum throwing toddler, and a baby stuck to my boob. We laughed about how things have changed. I'm not saying the romance has died after 4 years, far from it, it's just taking a break. And Shane did send a beautiful bouquet of a dozen red roses.
So, ya know. . . Adulting!

Mamam and Fionn Aprons

But what really did it for me was when I was in Ikea (there's a surprise) with the boys. I picked up some cupcake cases for the baking I'm planning on doing at the weekend, then thought about the Christmas apron I have hanging in the kitchen and said to myself, 'no, you're an adult, you need a seasonally appropriate apron', so bought Fionn and I matching ones. 

Coordinated Adulting! 

I also arranged for an estate agent to value our house, sorted out my pension after being made redundant, and commented on the fantastic drying out.

Adulting. The. Shit. Out. Of. Life.

Family Winning