The End of Another Breastfeeding Journey

It looks like I have come to end of my breastfeeding journey with Daithí.
Sooner than I would have liked, but still long enough to be proud of.
17 months and 29 weeks pregnant isn't bad, I don't think.

I fell short of my personal goal of 1 year with Fionn by 10 days, due to having to take anti-depressants.
I managed to avoid that this time, but had set myself another personal goal of 18 months with Daithí, and quite liked the idea of giving tandem feeding a go, but again I fell short of that by about 2 weeks.

I didn't intentionally wean him, I was back in the UK for a day for a midwife appointment, and with flights and everything it was 48 hours I didn't see him. I got back to Ireland, and he just didn't really look for it. Not that there's any milk left anyway at this stage.

The pregnancy has been draining me, and I have been getting low blood pressure spells where I feel like I'm going to pass out, so it's probably for the best, but it's still an emotional time. It's nice to have my boobs back to myself, well for the next 11 weeks at least!!

22 Week Round Up

Bump Watch 22 Weeks
Pregnancy fashion is hard!

So I've been MIA from Social Media for the last few months, what have we been up to I hear you ask. I think it best I do a bit of a round up of the first half of this pregnancy.

I am trying to get excited.
Matching Dino Leggings

I've been reluctant to write down my genuine feelings, because I feel guilty. Guilty for not planning this pregnancy, guilty for not wanting it, guilty for not feeling anything towards bump. I don't want him to ever read this and think he wasn't loved and cared for, because I'm sure by the time he can read I'll have worked through everything, and I have no doubt he will be loved just as much as his brothers, but for right now I'm struggling. 

I also feel terrible even saying things like that because there are women who'd give anything to be carrying a baby. I in no way want to belittle their battle, I'll never be able to walk a mile in their shoes, in the same way, they'll never be able to walk a mile in mine.

I've been unable to find much reading on line, and although I asked for a referral to a maternal mental health team at 6 weeks I'm yet to actually speak to someone. 

I've never made any secret of the fact I struggle, and always have with my mental health, so much so I feel I talk about it too much, my friends and family must be bloody sick of me at this stage. Some of the helpfull comments made by people I have opened up to have made me feel even worse, further tabooing the subject of perinatal depression, and making me feel like how I'm feeling is wrong and that I shouldn't be saying what I am. 

For all of these reasons I think it's best I'm completely honest. I have no doubt other people must feel this way through pregnancy, and if I can find one person and make them feel they're not alone, it's worth it.

I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant on my 3rd son. I have continued to go to my Slimming World meeting, and feel that's the reason I haven't been sick. I'm 24lbs lighter now than I was at 22 weeks on Daithí, and I  am still lighter than I was 22 weeks ago. After battling to keep my bulimic tendencies at bay throughout my last two pregnancies, I am glad, at least, that is not something I am dealing with this time.  I am still over-weight (not obese any more!), but I think I was getting to a place where I didn't hate how I looked before I got pregnant, and know that by limiting the damage I do, I can get back to that place sooner after he is born. 

Perhaps the fact I was on a path to accepting my body (I don't ever think I'll like it), and falling pregnant is part of the reason I hold so much resentment towards it. 

A third baby, all under 4, means we needed a bigger house, a bigger car and a bigger buggy.  

I had wanted a double on Daithí, but Shane insisted we didn't need one. He was wrong. So this time I put my foot down. I did my research, and came to the conclusion there are fuck all options out there for decent, affordable doubles. I wanted a side by side, I wanted to be able to face the baby towards me in the pram, while Daithí faced out in a seat, and I needed Fionn to fit on a buggy board. I also needed to be able to throw a car seat on the buggy if needs be. The only option? A Bugaboo Donkey at £1200. Fucking ridiculous, but considering we'll be using it for the next 4 years, I'm justifying it to myself. She's beautiful though! All shiny and new and light and pretty and practical!! 

A bigger car, was an even bigger bone of contention with Shane and I. He wanted me to drive a stupidly big Van with seats put into it. Using silly words like 'cross over' and 'conversion' did not fool me.  Not a fucking hope am I driving a van again, not after 3 years of the Seat Inca. 'But a Van is cool', he says. Is it fuck. I want a car, an actual car. 

Again, the options for cars that safely fit 3 car seats are limited. There's like 5 on the market!! We've settled on a 9 year old Ford Galaxy. It's ugly as hell, but it safely fits the kids' seats, and has the option of 2 extra seats in the back so we can still do airport runs for when Aunties and Grandparents feel sorry for us and come help for a weekend. 

The house has probably been what's causing the most stress for me at the moment. It started when Shane made an appointment for the agent to come to take pictures and list our house without telling me. Que the frantic cleaning, tidying and hiding of all of the things. There wasn't enough time, the pictures looked shite. But still the house went on the market. What followed was 6 weeks of viewings at all times of the day. Impossible with 2 young kids. It sold eventually, for under asking, no thanks to the useless estate agents, but I'll be taking that to them once everything is finalised. 

I spent weeks chasing agents and going to viewings of new houses. Shane and I had very different priorities. Shane wanted a project house. Knowing full well it would fall on my to manage the entire thing, and we'd be living in a state of 'it will do' for the next 10 years, and because I quite like being married, I pushed for somewhere that doesn't need too much work. We must have viewed 50 houses, some twice. But the place we bought was actually one of the first. Every time we asked Fionn which house he liked, he said 'I choose the cat house'. He was terrified of the cat who lived there, but for some reason he kept saying he wanted that house. so after 3 viewings, we made an offer, it was accepted, game on. 

Then came the JOYS of chasing estate agents for Sale Memorandums, and responding to solicitor inquiries, and mortgage meetings with banks. Fuck me, it's a lot. It's even more when you're doing it yourself. Shane showed up (late) when he had to, but everything else was and is being done by me. All contracts, and phone calls, and emails and printing and signing and posting. There's a fucking lot of 'correspondence' that needs doing. I've done everything I can now, It's all just a waiting game at this stage, so I just need to hope nothing holds anything up, and with any luck we'll be in the new house by the end of the Summer. 

I'm hoping, that once everything has settled down, I can start enjoying this pregnancy, and I'll stop hating it. I'll start to feel something towards the bump, and I'll feel some level of excitement to meet him. But right now I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm completely over whelmed by everything, and I'm, not able to see a light at the end of the hormonal tunnel. I feel so trapped by the entire situation and can't seem to shake the constant feeling of foreboding. 

I've accepted my entire 20s will be a write off of pregnancies, breastfeeding, and battling with my weight, but even then, where will that leave me 30 with 3 kids, and no career to speak of? I don't like feeling this like, I don't want to, but I know it's something I have to deal with. I need to stop whining, pull on my big girl pants and get on with it. 

I have no advice to offer, so this is probably no real help, but if you are feeling shite, it's not only you. Ask for help and keep asking till you get it. 

I'll have a meeting with a professional soon, and I can start working through some things. Until then, this might go as a bit of an explanation as to why I've been quiet, a bit out of sorts and a shit friend lately. 

S x

The Boys are all doing great.
Mario Galaxy is a firm favorite.

Top 5 Tips For Surviving Bridesmaid Dress Shopping.

All the beautiful pictures popping up on Facebook over the last few weeks can only mean one thing. Wedding season is well and truly under way. It almost makes me miss working. Almost.
Over my 10 years in retail, I've dressed brides, bridesmaids, mothers of both bride and groom, as well as countless wedding guests. It has given me a great insight to the workings of the wedding party, so I thought I'd share a few tips for shopping for bridesmaids dresses.

My sisters and Mam wore Coast dresses for my wedding.
(As did Shane's Mam, sister, and about 50% of our guests)
Mam accidentally found her dress while we were shopping
for the girls and they changed their minds and exchanged
their dresses 3 weeks before the wedding. 

I'd always suggest shopping high street for dresses. They're a fraction of the price, and in a lot of cases are actually better quality, more flattering and fashion forward than the bridal store option. I'm quite biased towards Coast! But there are tons of places, Monsoon, House of Fraser, John Lewis, Debenhams, Phase Eight, Ted Baker, even F&F at Tesco!! TwoBirds is also an excellent option, so many way to wear the dresses and so many colours to choose from. You'd be hard pushed to not please everyone.

But with so many options available it is very easy to get overwhelmed, so here are my Top 5 Tips For Surviving Bridesmaid Dress Shopping.


1. Book an appointment

Coast by Appointment
Like having your own private
personal shopper and dressing room

If you're shopping at a bridal boutique, you may not get in without an appointment, but equally if you're going high street. Most retailers who carry bridesmaids dresses will offer an appointment service. You'll have a dedicated member of staff who can give you their 100% attention for however long it takes to find your perfect outfit. The bigger stores will also have special fitting rooms and even provide some Perosecco to sip on.
Whatever you do though, don't swan into a busy shop at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon with your Mam, three bridesmaids and a flower girl, take over every available fitting room, insist you're 'just browsing', then get pissed when there isn't a staff member available to spend an hour pulling stock and cleaning up for you.

Similar colours in different dresses that
flatter everyones figure is a beautiful
option if you have a large bridal party

2. Do some research

I'm not saying walk into a shop with your heart set on an exact colour, material and style. Definitely don't do that, not unless you're willing to have dresses made specially and pay the premium to boot. But have some sort of a idea of what you like. And what your bridesmaids like too. Do you want them all matching/ similar/ completely different? Is there anything you hate and absolutely don't want? I've had may a bride say she's open to anything, only to then dismiss every dress I've pulled because it's strapless/ the straps are too detailed, or too high cut, the skirt is too full, the colour is not bright enough. Give your sales assistant some guidance and it will save time for everyone.



3. Decide who's paying for what

A smaller budget in no way means
sacrificing style.
If you know what you're working with
from the start, it's easier to find the
perfect dresses at the right price.

Before you shop. And have that conversation with your bridesmaids before you start shopping, but especially before you get to the till. I can't tell you how many times I've been stood across from all sorts of arguments over who is and isn't paying for the outfits. MOTBs fighting to get their credit card in first, or a bride shying away as soon as the dresses are bagged up, only for the mortified bridesmaids to try scramble together their cash.
I'm not saying there is any hard and fast rules for who pays, but from my experience, the cost of the dresses, at least, comes from the wedding budget, with a few brides asking (and in some cases BMs insisting) that shoes for example be paid for by each individual.
Remember as well, that being a bridesmaid is a big expense, and some people might feel uncomfortable shopping and not knowing if they can afford what you want them to wear.

While we're on the topic of money, have an idea of your budget before you shop. Dresses can range from £50-£500 a piece, so know what you're comfortable with before you fall in love with something WAY out of your price range. If you are asking your bridesmaids to pay for the dresses, respect their budget.
Sales assistants are also used to working with budgets, so will be able to help find everything you need, for close to what you want to spend.

With bridal parties getting bigger,
4-6 is now the average in UK and Ireland
it's no wounder brides are opting for
different styles and colours.
These dresses are all 'Allure Maxi'
from Coast, but look beautiful
in six different colours.
(I also love how the neck line
mimics the bridal gown)

4. Have an open mind

Chances are, when dressing more than one adult woman, you're going to be dealing with different body shapes, sizes, tastes etc. Rather than forcing everyone into the same dress, to start with I'd recommend each girl picking two/three dresses she likes in her size and everyone try on one dress each at a time. This way you can eliminate definite 'nos' straight away without having to pull every dress in every size from the shop floor, and stressing everyone out by trying on more dresses than is necessary.
When you've found your top 2/3, get them in everyone's' size then see them all together.
Listen to what your bridesmaids like/dislike about dresses, and respect them enough to accept if they're not comfortable in something. It can get particularly disheartening, if one girl is a completely different shape to everyone else, or is struggling with their confidence. Remember why you chose your bridesmaids, they are your nearest and dearest friends, treat them as such!



5.Be Decisive

Monsoon have some fabulous 'mini-me'
dresses for your junior bridesmaids.

I know it can feel like a huge decision to make, but dragging it out longer than is necessary will just add more stress to your planning. Be prepared to have the bulk of the outfit bought in one outing. Spend a few hours in the morning trying on, then go for a coffee or a bite to eat and mull it over. But make sure you go back and get your dresses. Leaving the shopping center empty handed is very disheartening, and the thought of having to get everyone together again is a nightmare, especially when 99% of the time, bridal parties came back and went with the dress they decided on in the first place.




I could go on forever, but think I'll stick to this for now. I'd love to hear how your bridesmaid shopping experience was, and feel free to ask me any questions!!

Slimming World; Helping my Head

I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my stomach this week, I just can fill it up. It could be the pregnancy, not getting sick is so alien to me, so I don't know if this hunger is normal or not. Bump is starting to twinge though, so it could be him.

Breakfast No.2 of the Day

It could also be the breastfeeding, Daithí's teething so I've been up all night feeding him, more than I've been feeding him in a long time. So sleep is a rarity for me. I think the reason I don't sleep well anyway when Shane is on nights, is I get serious isolation anxiety, being in the house by myself over night with the kids. It feels like far too much responsibility.



I had a bit of a wobble this week, emotions got the better of me and I had been eating my feelings. Slimming World came to the rescue yet again though, I had walked into the meeting late, I wasn't gong to stay, I wasn't feeling it. Somehow I managed to lose 3 lbs so I stayed and I am so glad I did. We had a very emotionally positive and inspiring group, which has given me the motivation to really tackle this week head on. I need to take this week one meal at a time.


I realised that despite how helpless, and tired and utterly unmotivated I've been feeling, I have actually achieved a great deal in the last few months, and am doing quite a lot for myself.
I had pilled on the weight with Fionn, lost it, then pilled it on again after Daithí. I was using that as an excuse to do nothing. I was lacking any sort of confidence or motivation, and had kinda accepted that that's just what happens when you have kids.

A few years ago, I'd have NEVER put a wet-suit on in font of anyone.
Let alone share a picture of it on the internet!!

But after being refereed to Slimming World and the gym by my health visitor, I've been feeling so much better in myself. and I've started saying yes to everything. Things I'd never had dreamed I would do. The Wolf Run, Surfing, and The Kerry Challenge next month.

Group activities normally give me serious anxiety,
especially where physical fitness is involved. 

Food has always been my emotional crutch. I always struggled with my image and weight, and pined my self worth on how I looked. Slimming World is slowly changing that for me.

I'm not saying I feel great, far from it, honestly I'm a wreak atm, I'm really struggling with this pregnancy. I haven't gotten excited, I haven't even really been acknowledging it. Shane hasn't been either, and I think that's contributing to how shitty I'm feeling.

There's also so much with selling the house and buying a new one, that's not exactly stressful, but mentally exhausting and emotionally draining. I'm trying to not let it get the better of me, and am just focusing on our trip home next week, and the few days away from the kids, hiking in the Kerry mountains. I think the break will do my mental health the world of good.

The Kerry Challenge, is a 75km hike, over 3 days in the Kerry mountains, in aid if dEBra.
The charity helps and supports families of children and adults living with Epidermolysis Bullosa.
EB is a genetic skin disorder that causes the skin to blister and tear at the slightest touch.

Our GoFundMe page can be found here.
For more information about EB click here.

Pregnancy, Weight Loss, Breastfeeding, Wolf Run, Buying & Selling Houses, Sleep

I turned 27 this week and things are all becoming very real and grown up and I don't like it.
I'm slowly coming to terms with the phrase unplanned pregnancy.

I'll soon have another one climbing on me!

Yup, that's right, baby number 3 is on the way, and although we had most definitely planned on another baby at some point in the future, this has come as a bit of a shock. I hadn't gone back on the pill after Daithí was born, because it fucks with my head, and I'm fairly sure it played a part in my PND with Fionn, so we decided to use alternative methods of contraception. Yet, somehow, with condoms, and me breastfeeding, I've only had one period since Daithí was born a year ago. I still managed to get pregnant.

On my first two pregnancies, I was sick from day one. The sickness never stopped, but got progressively worse until the boys were born, then it magically stopped. I was so bad on Daithí (you can read about that here), Shane made me write a letter to myself to talk me out of ever wanting to get pregnant again should the mood have struck.

This time however, I've been fine. Like totally fine, so fine I'm still not actually convinced I'm with child. What prompted me to do a test was my reaction to Shane asking one day when I had a bug if I could be pregnant. I nearly ate him. 'How the fuck could I be pregnant, What the fuck are you talking about, fuck off'. This massive over reaction made me think, shit, I might be.

There we are now!
3 Months pregnant and
survived The Wolf Run

I think it was bad timing, because he was sick, proper bells and whistles, in a shit mood for almost a month, man flu. I can feel my eyes rolling just typing that. But his apparent, complete lack of interest made me want to slap him and yell 'suck it up sunshine, it's not your body going through a 3rd pregnancy in 4 years'. But I didn't, because I'm nice, and I need to work on my sympathy face, and bed side manner. Wanker.

So we've been to the midwife, had a scan, everything's fine bla bla bla. I'm continuing with the gym, Slimming World (it's supported by the Royal College of Midwives) and Breastfeeding (despite Shane being on at me wean Daithí, I have no intention of stopping - the 'support' conversation with him is one for another day!).

I also decided to stick to my plan of doing The Wolf Run I had signed up to a few months back. It has been a personal goal of mine for quite some time, and I am so glad I achieved, before I turn into a giant preggo whale again and can't run for another year.

From a practicality point of view, the pregnancy has meant we need a bigger house, and that means a longer commitment to England. I'm still not sure how I feel about that, but I'll get to that another time. I don't have time for emotions right now.

On the wall in the
Estate Agent's and everything! 

Our house went on the market this week, and we're viewing more houses than I can remember. Trying to get my head around Stamp Duty, and Mortgages, and Legal Fees etc. etc. etc. is making my brain want to cry. Ok, so we've bought a house before, and that was bloody stressful, but adding selling a house to the mix is just head melting. There's also needing to have to done before this baby arrives, as I really don't fancy moving with a new born.

I really wish there was a class you could take that just explains in lay-mans terms what everything means. 'predictability', 'chains', 'conditional offers', it all means SFA to me, but you don't want to let on you  know nothing, because then you could be conned, but seriously, like, what's the difference between a 'decision in principal' and a 'mortgage in principle', and why do they put negative marks on your credit score?

That's another thing I haven't managed to understand since moving here. My bloody credit score, I know what it currently is, but I couldn't tell you how it got there, or how to make it better.


The one thing I am grateful for is that the puking hasn't started. Yet. Everyone say's this must be a girl so, but, I'd be quite happy with 3 boys, we shall see. I don't know if it's breastfeeding hormones that are protecting me from the horribleness of it all, of if the last 6 months of Slimming World has helped me more than I know, (this is the first time I'm not starting off a pregnancy with an obese BMI.) What ever it is, I'm afraid to change anything!!

I'm hoping to write a bit more, but if it's a toss up between blogging and going to bed at 7pm, I'm going to bed!!

Bed doesn't always mean sleep
though when you have a 3 & 1 year old

Some Blokes are just Dicks

I was going to wait for my rage to subside a bit before writing this, but if anything I've just over thought the situation and got more angry, so maybe writing through it will help.

I was hit on yesterday in the park, while there by myself with the two kids.

Some random bloke with his two sons decided to cat call me across the path, and say something along the lines of 'you've got a cracking body love', my resting bitch face turned instantly to a death stare and I kept walking, following Fionn to where he wanted to play.

He followed me along the path, and although didn't get angry, was clearly annoyed at my lack of appreciation for his remarks. 'Are you not going to say thank you? I just paid you a compliment?', I made it clear I wasn't interested and continued to engage with Fionn and Daithí, but he didn't stop.

'Why are you in the park then by yourself if you're married?', 'you could just be nice and come chat to me'. I was annoyed at myself for even saying it, but it's like men will sooner respect another guy and not infringe on their territory, than take a woman's rejection as reason enough to not keep pursuing.

In a bar or a club, I think I would have been more assertive, and probably told him to Fuck Off, partially because I've probably come to expect that sort of behavior in those kind of places, but not wanting to upset the kids I remained polite. Why are we so conditioned to not cause a scene, to not offend, to brush off that sort of behavior as OK. The two young boys he was with are going to grow up thinking that's an appropriate way of talking to someone.  Is it Fuck.

Uninvited comments on a strangers appearance are not compliments, they are harassment. I'm definitely not going to thank you for deeming my appearance acceptable enough for you to pass unsolicited comments on it.

Continuing to engage someone who quite clearly isn't interested isn't going to get you a date. It's intimidating. It's especially intimidating when you're there by yourself, in a bloody park, trying to keep up with two toddlers.

He eventually did walk off, and I could see him hassling another woman there by herself with her two daughters. She made a bee line for the playground where she met her mother and husband. We left fairly quickly after that, I fell in step with them as they returned to the car park, I didn't want to walk past the man again by myself.

I was annoyed with myself for letting a dickhead ruin Fionn's time in the park, I should have stayed and let him play until he wanted to go, but I was shook and just wanted to get home.

It's not going to stop me going back to that park, but it has left me with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, and I will definitely have my guard up a bit more.

We got a coffee after, coffee always helps.

Getting ready for a rare night out

Before having kids, I was a hair and heals girl every weekend, prepping for a night out started on a Wednesday! Nothing was too much bother and I loved the build up. I loved spending hours getting ready and always felt amazing when I went out.

Post kids however, and living away from home with no babysitters has, means nights out are few and far between. When we do get to go out, I'm lucky if I get time to slap on some make-up and throw my hair up into something that resembles a fashionable pony tail, between feeding, bath and bed time.

So you can only imagine how excited I was to travel home for my sisters 21st. The kids were being minded for a full 24 hours, so I got to get ready properly. I say properly, flying with two toddlers and a husband (I don't know who's worse) the night before meant it was a rushed job but there was still time!!


With compliments of Cosmetic Alliance  there was a box of goodies waiting for me when I arrived in Dublin. Including the new Abella Viva self tan mouse. People are going nuts for this tan across social media so I was excited to try it out. Developed specifically for the Irish complexion, it's only available in salons and online.

I used the mouse in Golden. It went on like a dream, no streaks, and came up beautifully and evenly. It also didn't have that usual self tan stench, which meant I was able to wear it all day before showering just before the party.


Myself and the girls were booked into Inglot to have our faces painted. My MUA was a sound young artist, who I had great chats with about pregnancy and breastfeeding as she is expecting her first baby this year. It's mad how good, honest conversation with a stranger can set you up for the day. Inglot are always spot on with applications, and we all left delighted.

Vanessa Lashes

Chloe Lashes

I also tried Depend Cosmetic false eye lashes, in style Vanessa. I'm always a bit dubious about lashes, especially after having my make-up done. I love the look of them, but I'm terrible at applying them. These went on so easily I surprised myself. They were light, and fit just right. They were so easy to apply, I even decided to try another pair, in style Chloe a few nights later for a dinner out.



Over the next few days (and nights) we took full advantage of the offers of babysitting and went out every chance we could. It's all we can do to fit 6 months worth of socialising into 10 days. The tan held up well, and I felt done up even with minimal effort.

I can't wait to try the rest of the goodies I was sent, including a stamper set from Depend Cosmetic to go with my ever growing collection of Depend7Day polishes. If you've been following me on Instagram you'll know it's one of my obsessions.

Cosmetic Alliance are currently running a give away of Depend Cosmetic False Lashes on their Facebook page. Be sure to check it out here https://goo.gl/qVycjq